Catastroflea
by metallicangel
Summary: How bad can the common flea be? Very minor right? WRONG! Sirius gets the fleas and the whole gang ( James, Remus, and maybe a few others) needs to help.


MB: This is my first humor fic! Yay! ^__^  
  
HA: Aren't you supposed to do the disclaimer thing now?  
  
MB: You do the disclaimer. Pretty please? *chibi eyes*  
  
HA: *rolls eyes in annoyance* Fine, but you owe me one. Well here it goes:  
  
Disclaimer: READ CAREFULLY. I will only type this once. I own NOTHING! My co-author owns NOTHING! Get it through your thick heads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MB: Onto the story.  
  
HA: Yay! Finally!  
  
Speakers: blah blah  
  
*Actions*  
  
Chapter 1: Aaaatttttaaack!!!!  
  
Sirius stood at the translucent window of the Shrieking Shack. His hairy form showing fatigue from waiting for his best friend, James Potter.  
  
Sirius: Bloody Hell! What is taking that seeker so long?!  
  
*door opens*  
  
James: Sorry I'm late. That tree is possessed.  
  
Sirius: Which one?  
  
James: Well, which one do you think?! The Whomping Willow of course!  
  
Sirius: Oh yeah. Hehehe. Sorry I'm getting old.  
  
James: We're in our seventh year. How can we be old?  
  
Sirius: Uh. Dog-years. ^__^  
  
James: -__- Uh-huh.  
  
Sirius: So what were we talking about again?  
  
James: *sweat-drops*  
  
Sirius: *clueless*  
  
James: Ok whatever. There is something definitely wrong with the Whomping Willow.  
  
Sirius: That's probably because it's supposed to be like that.  
  
James: No, no. I'm serious.  
  
Sirius: You can't be Sirius! I'm Sirius!  
  
James: .  
  
Sirius: ^_____^  
  
James: We're supposed to be talking about the tree.  
  
Sirius: Says who?!  
  
James: *shrugs*  
  
Sirius: O__o Fine! It probably has another bee hive in it again. Let me go check.  
  
*about five minutes later* James: *tapping his foot impatiently*  
  
Sirius: *comes back in the room* There's nothing wrong with it. All there is is little termites in there. They're so CUTE! ^____________^  
  
James: O__O  
  
Sirius: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? They are!  
  
James: *clears his voice* Alright, now I was thinking we could give Snape another swirly-  
  
Sirius: *starts scratching from head to toe*  
  
James: -to wipe that grime off his scummy. SIRIOUS! STOP THAT SCRATCHING!  
  
Sirius: I can't help it! *scratching every skin cell in sight*  
  
Unknown voice: HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
James: .  
  
Sirius: .  
  
Unknown voice: ^_________^  
  
James: What the Hel-  
  
Unknown voice: HELLO! *jumps on Sirius*  
  
Sirius: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's on me! Get it off! Get it off! *running around in circles*  
  
James: __ *starts chasing Sirius*  
  
Sirius and James: *running around in circles*  
  
Unknown voice: THE FLEA IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!  
  
Sirius: O__O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IT'S AFTER ME!!! GET IT OFF!!!  
  
Flea: *watching Sirius run around in circles*  
  
James: -__- Stop moving, Sirius!  
  
Sirius: *stops creating a hole in the floor*  
  
Flea: AAAAATTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!! *jumps on Sirius again*  
  
Sirius: AAAAHH! Get rid of it! Call the police! Call the 411!  
  
James: O__O Umm. You mean 911?  
  
Sirius: No the 411!  
  
James: O__o  
  
Flea: *starts singing* FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sirius: IT'S TRYING TO CONFUSE ME!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! James: I'll go get the bath ready! It'll get it off.  
  
Sirius: O__O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
James: C'mon, it's just water. Besides, I thought dogs liked baths.  
  
Sirius: Well, right now I'm in my human form. AND NO! SOME DOGS LOATHE BATHS!  
  
James: Awe, poor puppy. It's just a little bit of water.  
  
Sirius: I HATE baths.  
  
James: Maybe that's the reason (1) Lassie wouldn't go on a date with you.  
  
Sirius: -__-  
  
James: ^__^  
  
Sirius: You have a cruel sense of humor.  
  
James: I need practice for Snape.  
  
Sirius: *scowls at James* Just get this thing off me!!!!  
  
James: Fine! I'll go call the vet-  
  
Sirius: *glares*  
  
James: Err. I mean doctor.  
  
Sirius: *continues his circle around the room*  
  
James: I'm calling the doctor! *dials up phone number*  
  
Receiver: Hello?  
  
Flea: *hears new person* HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
James: *ignores the flea* Hey, is this the doctor?  
  
Receiver: Uh. no. Don't you recognize my voice?! It's Remus!  
  
James: Since when have YOU become a doctor?  
  
Remus: I'm not a doctor! You must have the doctor's number and my number mixed up!  
  
James: Oh! So this is the doctor!  
  
Sirius: YOU GOT TO HELP ME DOCTOR! IT'S ON ME AND IT WON'T GET OFF!  
  
Flea: ^____________^  
  
Remus: I said I'm not the doctor! It's Remus!  
  
James: YOU KNOW REMUS?!  
  
Remus: *sarcastically speaking* Oh, yeah. He comes in every week for his werewolf potion.  
  
James: I need a potion that can soothe my back aches from all that Quidditch.  
  
Sirius: HEY! I'M THE ONE THAT NEEDS IT! I NEED AN ANT-FLEA POTION, OR WHAT EVER YOU HAVE! SAVE ME!!!!!  
  
Remus: I'm not a friggen doctor!  
  
James: Don't say that! You're a good doctor. ^_~  
  
Remus: *anime falls *  
  
Sirius: *having a seizure*  
  
Remus: O_o Do you have a girlfriend over there? Is she the one making all that racket?  
  
James: No, that "girl" is Sirius.  
  
Sirius: *screaming*  
  
Remus: Uh.  
  
James: He has the fleas, you idiot, get your mind out of the gutter!!  
  
Remus: I think I get it now. *snickers*  
  
James: O__o  
  
Sirius: *still screaming*  
  
James: Sirius, stop that screaming!  
  
Remus: Dang. You need a lot of serious help over there.  
  
Sirius: *hears his name* I'm already over here!!!  
  
James: Uh, yeah. Is there like a specific spell or something that gets rid of fleas?  
  
Remus: I don't know.  
  
James: Gee you're really helpful.  
  
Sirius: He's not helpful! He's Remus!  
  
Remus: Finally! You remember!  
  
Sirius: Remember what, doctor?  
  
Remus: *getting annoyed*  
  
Sirius: *cocks his head to the side like a puppy*  
  
Flea: FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER! FOOD AROUND THE CORNER FOR ME!!!!!!!  
  
Sirius: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! It's on my neck!!! It's going to KILL me!!! *grabs phone from James* HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!  
  
James: *grabs phone back from Sirius*  
  
Remus: Hang on; I'll be there in a minute.  
  
End of Chapter One  
  
(1) Lassie is the name of a dog in the infamous movie Lassie  
  
MA: First chapter's done! Yay! It might take a while for me to get started on the next with school and all. I might.  
  
HA: If she doesn't want to start writing I'll make her.  
  
MA: Please review! No flames! ^___^  
  
HA: Yeah, please review. (I don't really care about flames, I give them so I want to receive them too) ~peace out  
  
MA: Bye-bye! *winkers* 


End file.
